It amazes me how much we live our lives on other people’s terms.
Our parents, who want the best, for us strongly influence our decision making when we are children and often deep into adulthood. Friends, whose approval we are often longing for, influence our thought process and actions, even when our inner being screams at us that it’s not what we want to do. Extended family, who we don’t want to disappoint, have us gripped in the palm of their hands.
I have noticed that we get stuck doing what other people want us to do or expect us to do out of fear of offending them, or losing their friendship, or their regard for us. The problem with this is that we are living our lives on someone else’s terms, not our own. We also limit the person who we allow to do this to us, as, in all honesty, they don’t get the opportunity to grow from hearing our NO.
It’s hard to say no, especially, when someone has so much faith in what they think you should be doing. This fear of offending is so strong it makes us tremble we get nervous, we can’t find our words when we try to address it and so we give in. Sometimes, we have to put our “Big girl pants on” and face our fears and our true desires head on.
I have found it useful to sit down with a pen and piece of paper and write down my thoughts and feelings to get a good look at what I am actually thinking. It’s a good way to take a bird’s eye view on what I feel and why I feel it. In doing this I get a true sense of what I don’t want and then what I want. It’s a good basis to look at where I am, where I want to go and how I am going to get there. It also allows me to see on paper what is stopping me or not honouring me.
We make a poor version of other people and when we live someone else’s dreams we start to kill our own. This is not how life is supposed to be, we are supposed to own our dreams and do all that we can to achieve them, not for anyone else but for ourselves. Sometimes it’s scary to live our own dreams, it means that we have to do what we said we would do, put the effort in and step out of our comfort zones. The funny thing about comfort zones is that they are usually quite uncomfortable on one level or another. So we need to stretch ourselves and push more. The more we push ourselves out of our comfort zone the more we gain evidence that we can step out… this give us more confidence and more confidence encourages us to push ourselves further out of our comfort zone and so it begins!
So today take a moment, write down what and/or who you are letting holding you back and what it is you really want or even really want to say. Take a moment reflect and then do whatever you need to do to ensure that you are living your dreams. This is your life… live it on your terms.
Let me know how you get on.
Have a magnificent day.