Leadership isn’t just about guiding others; it’s about leading yourself first. Yet, so many of us struggle with the idea of choosing ourselves.
We’re taught to prioritise others, to be team players, and to put the needs of our organisations or families above our own. But here’s the truth:
You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Stepping into your personal power as a leader begins with the radical act of choosing yourself.
I can hear you bristling; it’s a concept that is often frowned upon, and if you come from a certain culture or religious background, it can be counter to everything you’ve been taught. Because…isn’t it selfish?
Let’s explore the concept further:
What Does It Mean to Choose Yourself?
Choosing yourself isn’t about selfishness; it’s about self-respect.
It’s about recognising your worth, trusting your instincts, and making decisions that align with your values and goals. It’s about saying no to what drains you and yes to what fuels you. For women in leadership, this can feel particularly challenging.
We’re often expected to be everything to everyone – the perfect leader, the supportive colleague, the nurturing mentor. Let’s not even start on the myriad tasks at home that you’re also responsible for. However, true leadership starts when you give yourself permission to put your own oxygen mask on first.
For you to lead your teams effectively, you need to be in your best place, mentally, emotionally and physically. It’s harder to lead when you are drained, exhausted, frustrated and frazzled. Choosing yourself means doing the things that refill you and put you in your best headspace, physical and emotional health and energy… first.
Why Choosing Yourself is Essential for Leadership
When you choose yourself, you set the tone for how others will treat you. It’s a powerful signal that you value your time, energy, and expertise and that others should, too. This isn’t just about confidence; it’s about creating a foundation of respect. If you don’t prioritise yourself, why should anyone else?
What I know for sure is that we are constantly teaching others how to treat us, by the way we treat ourselves. Others are learning what is and is not acceptable by the way you behave.
Moreover, choosing yourself allows you to lead from a place of authenticity. When you’re aligned with your values and clear about your boundaries, you’re better equipped to make decisions, inspire your team, and navigate challenges with grace. It’s the difference between leading from a place of scarcity and leading from a place of abundance.
Your team benefits as they learn how to lead themselves, set boundaries, and operate at their best. They learn from you what is and is not acceptable by more than just your word. Your actions are impressionable on them when they see how you operate.
You are the role model and demonstrating how to let go of things that are not serving you and focusing on the priorities will help you and your team as you choose yourself.
How to Start Choosing Yourself
1. Define Your Non-Negotiables
What are the things you absolutely need to thrive? Whether it’s time for exercise, moments of quiet reflection, or clear boundaries around your working hours, identify what matters most to you. You can’t protect what you don’t know. Getting clear on your non-negotiables helps you understand how best you operate and helps other people understand it, too. Without that clarity, you won’t be able to set boundaries, and, without boundaries, you can’t hold your boundaries in place. So, get clear on what your non-negotiables are and commit to protecting them, unapologetically.
2. Practice Saying No
Saying no can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to saying yes to please others. But every time you say no to something that doesn’t serve you, you’re saying yes to yourself. Start small – decline a meeting that doesn’t require your presence or delegate a task that someone else can handle. The more you practice, the easier it gets. No is a complete sentence, and the right people will respect it. You read more about No and boundaries here.
3. Invest in Your Growth
Choosing yourself means investing in your personal and professional development. Whether it’s attending a leadership workshop, hiring a coach, or simply setting aside time to read and reflect, prioritise activities that help you grow. When you grow, you stretch your comfort zone and build more confidence in yourself and your abilities. Betting on yourself is never wasted, and the return is often far greater than you imagined.
4. Celebrate Your Wins
Too often, we downplay our achievements or rush on to the next challenge without pausing to acknowledge how far we’ve come. Take time to celebrate your wins, no matter how small. This reinforces your sense of self-worth and reminds you of your capabilities. Your celebration might be a solo meal, treating yourself to something special, journaling about your brilliance, or even throwing yourself a party. What matters is that you pause to appreciate yourself and the journey.
5. Honour Your Energy
Pay attention to what energises you and what drains you. Notice who and what lifts you up, and where you feel your energy leaking away. Choosing yourself sometimes means stepping back from draining relationships, projects, or habits and leaning into the things that make you feel alive and inspired. Your energy is one of your greatest assets—protect it fiercely.
6. Speak Up for What You Need
Whether it’s asking for the support you need at work, requesting flexibility, or voicing your opinion in a meeting, make it a habit to use your voice. Advocacy starts with you. Choosing yourself means giving yourself permission to be heard, even when your voice shakes. The more you do it, the more you’ll see how powerful your words—and your presence—really are.
7. Surround Yourself with Champions, Not Critics
Build a circle of people who support your growth, celebrate your success, and challenge you to be your best self. Let go of those who chip away at your confidence or make you question your worth. Your environment matters. Curate it intentionally, because who you surround yourself with will either water your growth or stunt it.
The Ripple Effect of Choosing Yourself
When you choose yourself, you start a ripple that reaches far beyond your own life. You shift the energy in rooms you enter, raise the bar for what’s acceptable, and quietly give others permission to rise too. You show up not just as someone capable, but as someone who knows they are worthy. That changes things.
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you’ve solved everything. It means you’ve stopped waiting for external validation and have decided to lead with clarity, purpose, and trust in your own light. It’s a deeply powerful act of self-respect, and that kind of self-respect becomes magnetic.
Your team will notice the shift in your energy and confidence. They’ll see a leader who is grounded, focused, and unapologetically authentic. And that’s the kind of leadership that inspires lasting change.
Your courage becomes someone else’s blueprint. Your voice becomes someone else’s mirror. Your boundaries become someone else’s encouragement to set their own.
And as you walk this path, you become a possibility model for those watching, often quietly. By stepping into your brilliance, you illuminate the way for others to see their own. Every act of self-ownership, every decision to choose yourself, is an invitation for others to do the same — to own their worth, to speak up, to take up space, and to design a life that reflects who they truly are.
When you choose yourself, know this… you’re never choosing just for you. You are shifting the paradigm, disrupting the silence, and reminding the world that brilliance doesn’t ask for permission.
So, as you step into this week, I challenge you to ask yourself: What would it look like to choose myself today?
Whether it’s setting a boundary, pursuing a goal, or simply taking a moment to breathe, remember that your personal power begins with you.
Choose yourself. Consistently. Courageously. Without apology. Because the world needs the ripple only you can create.
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