I’ve been reflecting on conversations and themes that have come out in the coaching room in recent years, and one of the most sacred truths I’ve learned in the coaching room, time and time again, is this:
Everyone processes differently.
… and that’s OK. In fact, it’s necessary.
So many women I work with, high-performing, brilliant, intelligent and deeply thoughtful, carry the quiet burden of not processing like others around them. They’ve internalised a belief that they must think faster, speak sooner and act now.
With our always-on, ever-ready hustle culture, they have been conditioned to believe that taking time somehow equates to weakness.
The impact of that goes further, in the pressure to conform, reflection equals hesitation, and hesitation equals failure.
And that belief?
It’s a lie.
The Pressure to Conform
We live in a world of “hot takes” and instant answers. Social media rewards speed. Corporate cultures often prize decisiveness over depth. We’re told to “trust our gut,” but only if that gut makes a call in under ten seconds.
I see clients contort themselves to fit a style of thinking, decision-making, and expression that isn’t theirs.
They second-guess.
They silence themselves.
They focus on the perceived “accepted norm”
and in doing so, they disconnect from the very core of their brilliance.
There is a push in corporate and life in general for conformity to social norms that have been deemed as acceptable ways of doing things. I’ve noticed that many are putting themselves under immense pressure to do things the “right” way.
I’m questioning what that is.
Let’s name it plainly: this pressure is performative. It doesn’t serve growth. It erodes confidence. And over time, it chips away at your sense of self-trust, one of the most vital tools you have in your leadership arsenal.
The Wisdom of Your Own Rhythm
Here is my counter to that “right way”, that “social norm.” Your way of processing isn’t a flaw; it isn’t you failing to keep up. Your need to take a moment and pause isn’t a gap in your leadership ability.
This is your genius at work. This time to process is where clarity forms, where wisdom rises, where self-trust develops and where your creativity gets to flourish.
Maybe you like to sit with things.
Maybe you need time to journal or talk it through or walk it out.
Maybe you process backwards, from the end to the beginning.
Whatever your method, honour it. Own it.
And importantly, build systems around it.
This is how you become a trusted voice. When you give yourself the time to process, you tap into your wisdom, and that wisdom has impact; it’s considered.
When you give yourself time to process, you also allow your best thinking to surface. You begin to share ideas with substance, not just speed (leaving you questioning yourself). You speak from groundedness rather than reaction. You trust yourself enough to lead from your core. This impacts the confidence you show up with.
When you own your way processing, you’re able to say “Let me have a think about that and I’ll get back to you asap.” You know the importance of that processing time and you claim it, so that you can operate in your genius.
The Myths That Hold Us Hostage
Let’s talk about where these expectations come from. We often internalise rules from:
- Books we’ve read that champion “high-performance” models not made for our neurodiversity, lived experience, or leadership style.
- Colleagues or managers whose rapid-fire response times became the gold standard, even if the quality of their work wasn’t great.
- Cultural norms that equate fast with smart and slow with indecision.
- Social conditioning, especially for women, that tells us to please others by saying “the right thing” quickly, to avoid being labelled difficult or too emotional.
But in a world of over 5.5 billion adults, how can there be one right way to process anything?
That notion is laughable when held to the light.
So many different people, so many cultures, so many ways of being. Each of these people living different lives with different ways of thinking and processing.
Yet here we are focusing on a narrow perspective of what that thinking and processing should look like. There’s a fallacy there if ever I saw one.
Your uniqueness is not an exception to the rule. It is the rule. And once you realise that, you stop striving to squeeze yourself into someone else’s mental model and start building a life and career that fits you.
Processing as a Pathway to Power
Here’s what I’ve seen happen when women honour their own way of processing:
- They stop apologising for being reflective.
- They reclaim their voice in rooms that once intimidated them.
- They offer insight that changes the direction of conversations — and businesses.
- They lead with authority that’s rooted in authenticity.
- They claim their processing time.
- They socialise their processing time – “this is how I do it”
- They recognise their processing time as a necessity, not a nice-to-have.
And here’s the kicker: they feel more confident, not less. Because confidence isn’t about volume or velocity. It’s about resonance. And resonance comes from alignment.
A Personal Note
In my own life and career, I’ve had moments where I felt pressure to respond, decide, or perform immediately. Every time I rushed I made mistakes, I overrode my gut and I second-guessed myself.
But when I leaned into my own rhythm — my Sacral Authority, my Generator energy, the gifts of inner knowing and patience from my Human Design — that’s when the magic happened.
That’s when the biggest contracts were won, the most impactful coaching breakthroughs occurred, and the most resonant speeches were delivered.
When I took a moment to breathe, to remind myself that the process was on my timeline, in my way and sat in who I am, that’s when I’ve always had the most impact.
You see, when we operate from our truth, we invite others to do the same. When we honour our own processing, we become more discerning, more grounded, and ultimately more powerful.
What You Can Do Today
So, here’s your invitation:
- Pause before you answer. Even if someone expects an immediate response, ask for a moment to reflect. “Let me take a moment to consider that”
- Name your style. Say it out loud: “I tend to process internally first” or “I like to reflect before responding.” This simple ownership builds clarity and respect.
- Design for your process. Whether it’s quiet time, voice notes, a thinking walk or collaborative chats, build these into your schedule as intentional processing time. Write out what it is for you, then lean on it.
- Challenge the myths. When you catch yourself rushing to conform, ask: “Is this my truth, or someone else’s idea of productivity?”
- Teach others. Model what it looks like to process in your way, not just for your own wellbeing, but as permission for others to do the same. Ask, “Do you need a moment to process that?”
The world doesn’t need more fast thinkers. It needs more deeper ones. Women who give themselves time to listen to their own brilliance and hear it. Boldly sharing it with clarity and assurance.
So, the next time you’re tempted to rush, remember: your way of processing isn’t a delay. It’s where your genius lives.
See Your Light. Own Your Worth.
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