Somewhere along the line, I shrunk myself.
That’s why I’ve been thinking so much about visibility and reclaiming our direction.
Working on myself and putting myself in rooms that help me grow and stretch my thinking is super important to me, which is why I joined the amazing Denise Nurse in The Scale Room, a programme for women in business looking to scale.
I’ve needed some accountability this tumultuous year, and it has been super helpful.
Here’s another reason why I’ve been pondering. There has been a lot of hullabaloo about Emma Grede’s book Start with Yourself, much of it because she’s speaking her truths about building herself, her business and letting go of the social norms that keep women stuck.
It got me thinking a lot.
As you may know, my original background is in corporate sales. I’ve sold at the £2 million mark and the £2.00 mark, selling IT and more. Since leaving that life, I’ve built my own business, and sales is part of doing that successfully.
But this year has been challenging, and in all honesty, that challenge started last year, maybe even the year before. I have an amazing pipeline, but it’s taking time to land. With the onslaught on women, DEI and anything that doesn’t centre a certain subsection of our society, work challenges have arisen for a lot of people.
Putting that aside.
I know why I’ve had my challenges recently.
I’ve been doing the work to explore it.
In truth, I lost my direction in small ways that, like a snowball, got bigger and turned into something huge. Not in the work that I do, but in how I secure it.
Somewhere along the line I shrunk. I reduced my visibility. I stopped selling properly, let my social media and newsletter slide, whilst hoping it would do the job for me.
But the world is noisy.
Every man and his dog is out there saying they are the one who can make all the difference in your life. Add to that the tsunami of coaches that organisations like the International Coaching Federation have churned out over the last two years, as people lost their jobs and tried to pivot.
I shrunk a little more.
You see, I’ve been the woman behind a well’ish known man for years. I’ve done the let’s-highlight-him-and-pull-back-on-me thing. I’ve made sure my kids were taken care of first. As a Cancerian, I made sure everyone was sorted. I’ve second-guessed my own impact because I don’t have a degree and lots of letters after my name.
I can resonate with a lot of what Emma Grede says, even if I don’t agree with all of it. That’s the beauty of opinions.
For the last 20 years, at least, I’ve worked with women in leadership, with teams, and with leaders in general, and that has informed so much of my practice.
I can look at the women I work with in senior leadership and tell you that visibility does make a difference. Being in the office is a prerequisite at that level, because if you’re not visible, you will be left behind. Decisions are made against your favour when you miss the meeting. There are people running full PR campaigns to be seen, known and heard, who are getting ahead of you, not because they are more capable but because they are more visible.
Working in the background with your head down isn’t going to get you the promotion unless you are really lucky, and that’s rare.
In this situation, hope is for losers.
I’ve seen people railing against what Emma has said about visibility, and it makes me ask, “What level are you operating at?” Because it’s a non-negotiable for senior women.
- Showing up on LinkedIn is important.
- Attending industry events is important.
- Getting those panel invites and doing them is important.
- Speaking in public is important.
Especially if you want to continue to have a seat at the table, and even if you are creating your own.
Visibility includes networking; it’s a non-negotiable. It includes recognising the level you operate at, owning your space at the table, in the room, and refusing to hide.
Visibility means refusing to shrink.
It means using your voice.
It means standing up when everything inside you is shouting at you to sit down and hide.
I’ve worked with women who are scarred by the system, and scarred by not being visible enough to the right people, in the right rooms, or the right spaces.
This doesn’t mean you can never work from home or take a moment away from the madding crowd. It does mean you have to be strategic about your visibility, your networks and your contacts.
So many of us thought our work was enough to speak for us.
It is not.
YOU, yes you, need to talk about it, even when it feels uncomfortable. You need to face the areas of growth you’ve been avoiding to stay anonymous.
That’s why I’m in the room with Denise. To face myself, to challenge my thinking, to remind myself of who I am as a businesswoman and a salesperson.
That’s why you need to be in rooms with other women, in rooms in your industry, in rooms that help you grow, develop and raise your profile.
Many women in leadership are off track, not because they aren’t great at what they do, but because they are head down and not looking at where they are going. Too busy hiding and playing small, whilst hoping to be seen.
I don’t believe for one minute that we are in a time where we can afford to be this way.
I know I can’t.
I can feel the impact of not stepping out as much as I know I’m capable of doing. I’ve played whack-a-mole, with myself being the mole, coming out strong and then retreating just when things were getting really interesting.
I’ve held back because of the “what if’s,” and I’m sure you have too. You know you are moving forward (I know I am), but you are by no means doing it at the pace or operating in the space that you could.
I appreciate that we all have different dreams and visions for ourselves. But how many of you have dreams and visions you want, but keep them “over there,” far away from becoming a reality, because you are playing small? Small enough that you are not too noticed, too seen, or called too “big for your boots.”
Social conditioning has got us holding back on impacting our world, whether the one right around us or the bigger globe we live on.
Yet we are at a time when each and every one of us needs to be activated to reclaim our direction and become much more visible.
We can no longer hold back.
Love her or hate her, and to be honest, we really don’t know her, Emma challenges some of the norms we have been caged by. She’s striving for a billion-pound enterprise. She’s not stopping at just enough, or saying “well, it’s more than my parents earned.” She’s kicking down doors to achieve what she knows she is more than capable of.
You are capable, too. But you cannot achieve at a high level if you continue to make yourself small.
So here are five things you can do this week. Pick the ones that make you flinch; those are the ones for you.
Audit where you’ve gone quiet.
Open LinkedIn. When did you last post something with your actual opinion in it, not a repost or a “delighted to share”? Look at the last three months of your newsletters, your internal updates, or your contributions in meetings. Where have you let it slide? You can’t change what you haven’t named – name it and then change it.
Get in one room you’ve been avoiding.
A panel you didn’t put yourself forward for. An industry event you keep saving in your calendar and not booking. The networking group your friend keeps inviting you to. The one that makes you slightly nervous is the one to go for. Book it this week.
Say the thing you’ve been editing out.
You have an opinion on something in your industry that you’ve been softening, qualifying, or sitting on. Write it down. Post it. The first one is the hardest. Emma didn’t build what she’s built by polishing her edges off; you don’t have to either. I’ve found my greatest impact has been when I’ve just spoken truth to power.
Get in a room that holds you accountable.
Not a free Facebook group. A paid room with women operating at your level or above, where you can’t hide for long. A mastermind, a peer circle, a coach. Mine is The Scale Room. Find yours.
Ask for the thing.
The promotion, the board seat, the speaking slot, the introduction, the sponsor, the pay rise. Pick one and ask for it this week. Not “explore the possibility of,” not “would it be possible to consider,” ask. Plainly. The biggest visibility move you can make is letting people know what you actually want.
Get yourself in rooms that help you grow. Get the accountability to stay on route to your dreams and goals. Get out and be seen, known and heard.
Because your voice really does matter.
And on that note, the Circle of Brilliance Collective is coming. A collective for women in leadership where we can do all of this and more, together. Because in the current environment, going it alone won’t cut it. Watch this space, I’ll be sharing soon.
You are a light to someone, you just don’t realise it, and when you hide that light, that someone gets the message that they should hide too.
Lady, it’s time to shine and shine brightly on route to your best life.
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